Listen y’all I aint never lied to y’all and I’m not going to start now. I haven’t cared about the VMAs since Lady Gaga and Beyonce killed and revived them in 2009. Kanye being messy and creating a moment with that blonde hair praying mantis was a thing that happened too. 

Here we are nine whole years later (Jesus, I’m old) and I feel like I’m loudly wasting my time on y’all’s new favs. From top to bottom, the fashions have been a whole miss and a whole damn mess. I get that everyone wants to wear be edgy and provocative on the pink carpet, but I just… Can’t. Most of these outfits look like main stage rejections from the main stage at Project Thrift Shop. 

Question, does Fashion Police still come on? Because I’m sure shady problematic auntie, Joan Rivers is turning over in her grave at these outfits. 

There were a few folks who caught my eye in a good way. Cardi B and Queen SlayLo were particular standouts for me.

The real gag is despite that despite making her name at the VMAs, y’alls fav cawcajun victim, Taylor Swift, apparently didn’t get any rub or any shine from the VMA academy leaving sis out of every major category. Ouch. 

Anyway onto the actual awards. Nicki wins a moon man for best hip-hop video, and I am truly shook’t that she was able to tear herself away from Twitter ranting long enough to go and accept the award. I call it personal growth. 

Some other people won some things, did some stuff, and sung some songs. SlayLo lumbered her way through a ten minute performance which was hot for a woman her age. It’s always nice to see Ja Rule is doing well and collecting those royalty checks. Logic did his political thing, which is always welcome in this climate. 

The winning performance of the night easily goes to my little heretic. She pulled that ponytail down and served that last supper in some kind of sexy woman brothel and I am up for going to that church on a Sunday morning. 

Can we agree to put Madonna’s ass out to pasture, officially? Y’all really let this grisly bitch get on stage dressed like a dementor and stand on the Queen Aretha’s legacy and talk for ten straight minutes about HERSELF. Then they had the nerve to spell R-E-S-P-E-C-T at the end? Let me spell something for you Madge, F-U-C-K – O-F-F. 

I’m heated about that. 

Whew chile, anyway if I had to give this year’s VMA an overall grade I’d give it a hard D-. 

I have to be critical, because I grew up in an era where artistry meant something. Stage presence was important. Now, these performances just seem… Dry and uninspired.

Where is the effort? The motivation? It’s like the general creativity is being sacrificed and for what? When you find out, let me know. 


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